An Uninspiring Chicken

I am kind of a roast chicken snob. I make beer can chicken once a week, meticulously injecting my favorite creole butter marinade, imagining I’m a cosmetic surgeon pumping Cher full of fillers rather than a hungry, slightly overweight home chef making dinner for her family.

Buzzfeed posted a recipe in November 2013 promising the chicken to end all chickens. Beating out Cosmo’s Engagement Chicken, among others. Their recipe claimed you only needed Kosher salt, twine, and pepper, and that anything else was just “making things difficult”.

Well, I guess I like difficult, because this chicken was not as good as my chicken. The flesh was neither flavorful or moist. This is because after cooking it the 60 minutes the recipe called for, and checking the temperature, it was underdone. I incrementally added 25 minutes until it registered 160 degrees. The perplexing part is, even after it was the correct temperature, and the meat was drier than I am used to, the juices were still running quite bloody when I cut in. (Ick!)

While the skin had crisped up nicely in the breast area, and front of the bird, the back and thigh skin remained gelatinous. I love that the beer can chicken gets crisped all over and I can pick off the back skin as I please, knowing I won’t be stripping the skin off someone’s serving.

I am reassured that there remains no better way to roast a chicken than my beer can method, and I challenge anyone to tell me otherwise. I would gladly go up against anyone’s chicken with mine in a competition. I would win by a mile.


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